The story still haunts me.
A sorrowful adult daughter of an aging mother related her real-life, sad story, of her struggle with her elderly mom’s constant needs.
The daughter had to frequently take her of her mother’s needs while taking care of her own family. The typical “sandwich generation” squeeze. Mother and daughter would sit and talk, and the daughter made no attempt to cover up the fact that taking care of her aging mom was a real struggle.
The mother apparently sensed this, and no doubt felt guilty about causing so much stress in her daughter’s life.
One day the mother gave the daughter a copy of the key to her apartment.
“Make sure it fits the lock on the front door,” the elderly mother urged. She made sure the daughter worked the key properly.
This was the mother’s preparation for a sad ending to the story.
The next time the daughter checked in on her mother, she found the elderly lady stretched out on her bed, shoes still on, with an empty bottle of sleeping pills on the dresser. The mother apparently found no other way out of this distressing problem.
I don’t remember the particulars of this story, but it’s possible that the mother and daughter were ignorant of the various resources available to help in a situation like this.
Caregiving resources
The websites of Senior Link and, for those in Illinois, the Caregiver Support page provide a number of resources that would help many people in the situation described above. Many of them have to do with financial assistance.
- Professionally-Paid Caregiver Agency – This would help, even for a few hours each day.
- Medicaid’s Self-Directed Services – You may be able to receive financial aid.
- Home and Community-Based Services Program (HSBS) – Ongoing support, care oversight and a tax-free daily stipend.
- Veterans Aid – The Veteran Directed Care Program, or Aid and Attendance, which provides funds for assisted living, nursing home, and in-home care costs, including paying family caregivers.
- Long-Term Care Insurance – Some policies pay a family member who provides care.
- Company-Sponsored Paid Leave – Some companies provide this.
- Share the Costs with Your Family – If you spread the cost around it makes it easier on the primary caregiver, or provides funds for a professional caregiver or agency.
Sometimes when it seems that there is no way out of a problem, there is a solution at arm’s reach.