No More Lost Items—It’s Got You Covered
The Stick ‘n’ Stay™ is the revolutionary full-body Velcro* jumpsuit that keeps everything you need exactly where you need it—stuck to you. Designed by Cranial Comfort Industries and backed by the Mental Energy & Memory Research Yield (MEMRY), it’s already being hailed as a life-changing invention for seniors, busy parents, and anyone who’s ever misplaced a remote control. What follows is the transcript of its official television infomercial.
Tony Flex: “Hello, and welcome! I’m Tony Flex, and with me today is my wonderful co-host, Sandy Bright. Together, we’re going to introduce you to the incredible Stick ‘n’ Stay™—the personal organization system that’s going to change the way you live.”
Sandy Bright: “That’s right, Tony. Just look at this beauty. Imagine a comfortable, lightweight jumpsuit covered in high-quality industrial Velcro, with strategically placed panels so you can attach keys, glasses, remotes, notepads, pens—anything you want—right onto your body. It’s sleek, it’s stylish, and yes, it even comes in leopard print.”
Tony: “And the best part? You’ll never have to search the couch cushions again! With Stick ‘n’ Stay™, if it’s stuck to you, it’s not lost.”
Sandy: “This isn’t just convenience—it’s science. Independent studies show Stick ‘n’ Stay™ reduces lost-object frustration by up to 93%. And it’s not just for seniors—anyone can benefit. Students, busy parents, or that one guy in your house who always loses the remote… yes, Carl, we’re talking about you.”
Tony: “Our satisfied customers can’t get enough. Marge, age 74, says she hasn’t lost her reading glasses in three months—because she wears three pairs at once, right on her Stick ‘n’ Stay™. Bob, age 82, says his wife sticks his phone to his back so he always knows where it is.”
Sandy: “And it’s even endorsed by Leon ‘The Elephant’ Gonzales, 14-time memory champion, who uses it to keep his flashcards, vitamins, and coffee mug within arm’s reach.”
Tony: “Here’s the exciting news—Medicare might approve it as Durable Medical Equipment, meaning you could pay little to nothing for complete peace of mind.”
Sandy: “And if you order right now, we’ll include our bonus Velcro Slippers—perfect for keeping your feet warm and catching runaway pet toys.”
Tony: “Stick ‘n’ Stay™—if it’s stuck to you, it’s not lost. Call 1-800-STICK-ME-NOW or visit StickWithMe.com to order today.”
Live Call-In Segment
Caller #1: “Hi, uh, what if I stick my cat to my Stick ‘n’ Stay™? Will that void the warranty?”
Sandy: “Technically no, but only if the cat sticks willingly. If you have to chase it, that’s on you.”
Caller #2: “Can I wear it in the shower?”
Tony: “You can, but we don’t recommend it unless you enjoy the sensation of sponges permanently attached to your torso.”
Caller #3: “Will it hold a small pizza?”
Sandy: “Absolutely, but make sure it’s cooled slightly first. We learned that the hard way.”
Caller #4: “Does it come in camo so my wife can’t see me during football season?”
Tony: “Yes, but then you might lose yourself, and that’s a problem we’re not ready to solve.”
Caller #5: “How much weight can it hold?”
Sandy: “Up to 37 pounds—though our legal department insists we say ‘comfortably.’ Beyond that, we recommend a wheelbarrow.”
Mindless Disclaimers:
Stick ‘n’ Stay™ is not responsible for items lost prior to attachment or accidental sticking to strangers. Medicare coverage not guaranteed—check with your provider or your neighbor. Not recommended for skydiving, professional wrestling, or competitive hugging. Stick responsibly.
*VELCRO® Brand is a registered trademark of Velcro IP Holdings LLC. They have not endorsed this product, but they probably will want to soon.